The Great Tsunami: sin, genocide, and divine retribution

So this is a long blogpost. It's necessary to include most of the scripture explaining the Great Tsunami, in order to discuss it. The excerpt from the Book of Bob follows at the end of this post, for your edification. Even if you're familiar with it (and you should be!), a refresher is always in order. But for brevity's sake, let's get right to the discussion.

So, long story short, the Lord Bob sent a tsunami to destroy the entire earth. Why? Because people were sinning. The people had turned their backs on Bob. Bob knew this would happen, because Bob is all knowing, and Bob created people to be weak and prone to sin, but this betrayal surprised and pissed off Bob. So Bob did the only logical thing: decided to murder them all.

Well, not all. Bob really kind of liked the miserable, disobedient primates she'd created (Bob is merciful!). And the creeping things and the flying things and so on. So Bob decided to spare one family, the line of Jerry. Jerry disrespects Bob, so Bob dispatches of Jerry and chooses Noah instead. They cram a ton of animals onto a boat, and then Bob kills everyone but Noah and his family.

This is a really lovely story. I mean, once you get past all the people drowning, all the terror stricken babies and kittens and puppies struggling to keep their heads above water and eventually succumbing, it's a very lovely tale about Bob's mercy and second chances. Plus, there's a rainbow at the end.

Still, unbelievers will try to pick holes in this story. They'll say drowning everyone wasn't justified. They'll throw words like "genocide" around. Which, technically, is factual. But that's not the point. The point isn't all the people who died horribly, and all the animals who suffered for humanity's sins. The point is that Bob saved Noah and his family, and a few sets of animals, for a bit of incestuous repopulation of Earth. Bob could have killed everyone. But Bob didn't. Bob's genocide spared one man, his wife, their three sons and their three daughters in law. Because Bob is love. Bob is  mercy. Bob is kindness. Even when Bob is committing genocide.



The scripture, for your edification and reference:

Origins 7:

 And the Lord Bob thy Bob said unto Jerry, Come thou and all thy house into the ark; for thee have I seen righteous before me in this generation.
2 Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens, the male and his female: and of beasts that are not clean by two, the male and his female.
3 Of fowls also of the air by sevens, the male and the female; to keep seed alive upon the face of all the earth.
4 For yet seven days, and I will cause it to rain upon the earth forty days and forty nights; and every living substance that I have made will I destroy from off the face of the earth.
5 And Jerry said, 'Dude, that's a lot of animals. No way they fit in that small ass ride you had me build.'

6. And the Lord Bob considered, and decided that Jerry was right. So the Lord Bob smote Jerry, for she did not care for his tone, and found another righteous inhabitant in the land, called Noah.
7 And Bob gave Noah a bigger boat. And Noah was six hundred years old, which is helluv years, when the flood of waters was upon the earth. ...

10 And it came to pass after seven days, that the Lord Bob sent a tsunami to engulf the desert. In the six hundredth year of Noah's life, in the second month, the seventeenth day of the month, the third hour, the fifth minute, the tenth second, the fountains of the great deep broken up, and the windows of heaven were opened.
12 And the rain was upon the earth forty days and forty nights. And the tsunami was lit.
13 In the selfsame day entered Noah, and Shem, and Ham, and Japheth, the sons of Noah, and Noah's wife, and the three wives of his sons with them, into the ark. His wife was called April, and his sons wives were Mary, Beth, and Susan. Which you wanted to know, because they are human beings, so if we're naming names of course we're going to list their names.
14 They, and every beast after his kind, and all the cattle after their kind, and every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind, and every fowl after his kind, every bird of every sort. There was a lot of creeping.
15 And they went in unto Noah into the ark, two and two of all flesh, wherein is the breath of life. No dead animals. Because that would defeat the purpose, yay, even the purpose of the Lord Bob.
16 And they that went in, went in male and female of all flesh, and the party got started. And Bob shut that door and started the butchery.
17 And the flood was forty days upon the earth; and the waters increased, and bare up the ark, and it was lift up above the earth. And the storm was cray, and many died. The waves were wicked. The people were more wicked. They all died.
18 And the waters prevailed, and were increased greatly upon the earth; and the ark went upon the face of the waters. And down. And up. Because it was a tsunami, and that's rough riding. There was much puking, yay, until the deck was flooded with vomit.
19 And the waters prevailed exceedingly upon the earth; and all the high hills, that were under the whole heaven, were covered. Everyone died. Like, everyone. Yay, even the creeping creepy thing and the flying flying things and the walking walking things and the swimming swimming things. They all died.
20 Fifteen cubits upward did the waters prevail; which is helluv lot, so the mountains were covered.
21 And all flesh died that moved upon the earth, both of fowl, and of cattle, and of beast, and of every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth, and every man:
22 All in whose nostrils was the breath of life, of all that was in the dry land, died. Lots of death.
23 And every living substance was destroyed which was upon the face of the ground, both man, and cattle, and the creeping things, and the fowl of the heaven; and they were destroyed from the earth: and Noah only remained alive, and they that were with him in the ark. Really lot of death.
24 And the waters prevailed upon the earth an hundred and fifty days. The tsunami raged on. Yea, it was crazy.